INFJ.

I have just found out that I am an INFJ (Introvert, iNtuition, Feeling, Judgment) and it has occupied my time immensely. It gave so much answer to philosophical questions I have, especially questions about myself, why am I so different, and so out of this world.

If you want to know your own personality type, I suggest you take this MBTI test .

I have always known that I am different. I think so different, I act different, and well, I look different. I like it about myself, being unconventional, one of a kind, and unique. But at the same time, loneliness creep on me. I long to belong, I long to connect, but somehow, other people find my eccentricity intimidating.

Most people think I am strange. They feel that I am different in a strong and mysterious way. I know and feel that they like me and they want to be my friend and the feeling is mutual. However, it buffles them why am I so passive. I don't initiate contact. It's just the way I am.

I am very sensitive and have very intense emotions inside. There are times that I feel so engrossed in an idea inside my head that I suddenly cry in the middle of the road, while walking. Then I feel other people's stares of curiosity and I just force myself to become numb. I sort of shut down for the emotions to subside so I can function normally.

I can be hurt very easily. I try not to, but every criticism is like a personal attack, and a simple comment hurts very much.I over analyze everything. It just adds up to the pain I'm bearing.

If I seek your company, you are my friend. If I don't avoid you, you are an acquaintance. If I purposely ignore you, you are on my list of annoying oranges.

I am on both sides of the extremes. I care so much or I don't care at all. I can be very happy or very depressed. I can either be very productive or a total sloth. I can be very organized to the point of obsession
or I can be extremely messy. Nothing is average. Nothing is in between.

If my face suddenly look vacant and I become quiet. Don't think you did something wrong. Most of the time, I'm just very tired from an active day. I couldn't keep up with the time of the world. I like everything to be in slow motion. If you force me to be active, I might snap on you.. then I'll regret it later. I don't want that to happen. Just.. give me time.

If you put me in a large group, I can be very sociable. You can see that people instantly like me. But after a few minutes of contact, I disappear. Don't think I am rude. I don't intend to. I just needed time alone. I need to recharge.

It matters very much if people like me. I spend so much time thinking about my effect on people. I replay every conversation, every contact, in my head. I replay first in my point of view, and then I replay again while seeing the scene through your eyes. Yes, I always see every situation with two pairs of eyes. Yours and mine.

I do good in school. But not just because I really value "high paying" jobs and all the academic titles, but because I like learning, especially to those subjects that I feel I can use to contribute to the betterment of man kind. Grades don't matter much to me, but if I do excel in school, it's either I want my professor to like me by doing good in his subject, I have a need to please my parents, or I have other motivations. But trust me they're not because of money and titles.Or they may be but I end up being very lonely.

I hate confrontations. I always cry and it makes me look stupid. I cry when overwhelmed. I cry when I'm happy and I cry when I am sad. I will not feel better if I do not cry. I need to tears to wash my soul.

I need endearments. I need hugs and kisses. I highly value them.I have a need to be needed. Open up to me, share me your problems. Don't be surprised if I want to solve them all for you. I want you to be happy. I like it when I'm the first you think about when you need advice. I like taking care of people. If I feel I do not contribute to the wellness of others, I feel depressed and worthless.

If you have a romantic relationship with me, understand that I am very sensitive and moody. I need lots of love, attention, and endearments. Understand that you become my first priority. Your wellness and happiness matter so much that it impedes my own. I'll always be there for you and I expect you to be the same. What you need is what I become. I'll draw you, write you poems, compose songs for you, and you might feel overwhelmed. Appreciate these. Keep in mind that I rarely do these things except when I'm really in love with you.

If I am stressed I might be reckless. I might spend a lot, eat a lot, or do anything a lot. I need you to take hold of me.I need you to be there. I need you to bring me back to reality. When I'm like this and you scold me for doing so, I'll love you more cause it means you really care for me.

Welcome to my world.